Coloring with the Catholics: My Story of Criminal Mental Health Care and Higher Ed Gaslighting in Larry Nassar’s Michigan (New Part Fifteen), “Someone is after you”: No Good Ending?

by Gina Fournier

UNDER CONSTRUCTION. THANK YOU!

I’m still editing after initial construction in spring 2019. In order to polish a piece, I need to edit a lot and still need an outside editor. I publish while still under construction because I need accumulating actual mental torture to stop.

This defense attempts to correct the record. It requires an elaborate time structure (which requires an extra amount of very painful editing). And documentation when one is falsely accused of delusion, hallucination and psychosis. This is not a memoir. This is me still trying to save my life from retaliatory criminal (not forensic) psychiatry.

Since the spring and summer of 2019, when I first drafted this website, I’ve been filing rounds of Michigan Civil Rights complaints in response to current retaliation and harassment from my many attackers (school, police, Catholics, state of Michigan), as well as surviving. My complaints have been accepted and are still under investigation, delayed due to COVID. They are means toward possible legal redress, as I understand it.

New Part Fifteen Chapter Titles:

• Dog Whipped on Probation: Return to Class at Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Community College Cut Short by Land of Motown Community College, the Osceola County Prosecutor, the MDOC and Judge Booher
• “Someone is After You”
• No Good Ending?

Chapter: Dog Whipped on Probation: Return to Class at Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Community College Cut Short by Land of Motown Community College, the Osceola County Prosecutor, the MDOC and Judge Booher

When it served power to say I was crazy, without cause, they locked me up in a looney bin, “looney bin” named after the wardens. 

When it served power to say I was a criminal, they chained me and whipped me best as they could, in and out of jail. 

~ * ~

Frankly, objectively, I would say the jail warden did a better, more stand up job than the looney bin wardens.

~ * ~ 

The legal system dog whipped me on both bond and probation. 

Probation delayed began June 1, 2018.

~ * ~

I really don’t think I could have made it through probation without additional problems with the court.

For whatever reasons, by whichever hands, I don’t think I was treated fairly.

~ * ~

Things began as best they could between me and my parole agent.

In her office, when I was required to make an appearance, I did so and she was sympathetic and supportive, but things broke down after I moved out of the county and physical meetings ceased.

~ * ~

On June 15, 2018, my probation was amended to allow some use of the internet in order to conduct necessary activities.

My probation officer in effect acted as lawyer to arbitrate with the judge on my behalf.

~ * ~

The original sweeping denial of all internet access did not bother to consider the over-reach of denying all access to the internet.

Possession of a device that connects to the internet, such as a phone, is necessary to conduct personal business.

My free Obama phone (sorry Mr. President, but his term allows me to use your name) could connect to the internet.

To apply for jobs, one must use the internet.

To do just about anything, one needs the internet.

The local authorities delayed my bond then rushed and skimped on the terms of my plea deal.

~ * ~

They were trying to silence and crush me.

It’s still hurts so fucking much. (edit later)

~ * ~

I was required to see my probation officer every two weeks, while all the lying, harassing and misused cops in my story, from Livonia, Garden City, Michigan State Police, Mecosta and Osceola counties, were supported and protected in their lies and harassment.

I was required while all my attackers connected to February 22-28, 2013, from the school, Livonia Police and the Catholic hospital, were free of restrictions on their liberty.

I could feel them all gloating.

I still do.

~ * ~

During these very upsetting visits with my probation officer, waiting in the waiting room, I saw some of the other jailbirds waiting, too, with whom I did time.

We didn’t talk.

~ * ~

So far, I’ve done a lousy job saving my own life. 

Telling my story over and over without justice kills me as much as living my story, but it’s necessary.

Just like my dead husband feared, due to William MacQueen’s attack on my life, I lost both his houses, first the house in Garden City, secondly the lakehouse cabin in Evart, Michigan. 

I did hold out and walk away with a little start up cash, but things just keep getting stranger and worse.

I barely have resources for food and shelter to last another two months at this point, November 2019.

My criminal record and story are preventing me from getting even minimum wage jobs, despite my masters degree.

~ * ~ 

Somehow, in a new town, in yet another Michigan town, in August 2018, putting away my Jeremiah Johnson/Little House on the Prairie garb, at least part time, for about two and half months, I was hired to teach community college composition courses again, after a six-year hiatus. 

That’s unbelievable, considering my protest voice and social media accounts blaring the truth of illegal looney bin lock and my reasonable rage regarding metaphoric Jesus rape. 

~ * ~

My placement did not feel safe, but I showed up to teach every day I was required at Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten State Community College, four days a week, teaching fourteen credits, I think.

~ * ~

I did not feel secure. 

Each day required waking through water, occasionally on water. 

But I did it. 

It was working. 

Rough around the edges, but students were learning. 

~ * ~

Still, I figured students could see through my flimsy act. 

I was not alright. 

I was shaky. 

Not like I was accused of being shaky, like unstable, instead I felt out of shape and insecure, beaten shaky. 

~ * ~

I was older and dumpier.  I had been way out of the picture.  I didn’t have work clothes.

~ * ~

Like a spy, I was living a double life.  I knew I would be found out.

~ * ~

The back channel network that had been following me since 2012, followed me to Bay City.

Of course.

~ * ~

On September 11, 2018, my probation officer announced that Judge Booher had lifted all internet restrictions.

No motion had been filed to request this action, so why did a busy judge make this sweeping move?

Am I right about the ongoing active back channel network working me?

Who did petition Booher?

Someone other than my probation officer?

~ * ~

This move to free my sharp tongue sometimes wild voice sounded like a set up.

I am pretty sure the paper trial and this plot point say “set up.”

~ * ~

It didn’t take long for a campus cop to sniff me out.

Two days later.

Two days after Booher signed the motion to open up my internet access.

September 13, 2018.

Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Community College cop Michael Jarabek harassed me in the school parking lot, after I taught my last class for the week.

~ * ~ 

I know, this story is tiresome.  I’m exhausted. 

I doubt anyone even reads this far. 

I am not crazy out of my mind unable to reason.

~ * ~

I know through FOIA that the cop, who happens to look like a little like Joe Biden, did not record our interaction on his police log. 

Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Community College cop Michael Jarabek’s log from September 13, 2018 records no interaction with me around 5 pm.

But at 5:20 pm he did record interaction with other people nearby in the parking lot.

The Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Community College dispatch log shows that the president of the college asked Micheal Jarabek to check out other “suspicious” individuals standing in the B parking lot at 5:20 pm.

Reflection, analysis, editorial summary.

Mafia-style, with a smile, Michael Jarabek gave me a message without using direct words: we know about you, you won’t be here long, so don’t get comfortable.

~ * ~

That was September 13, early in the fall semester. 

~ * ~

Like the “suspicious” characters reported by the college president, I was parked in same area, where B parking lot met C parking lot, part of the contiguous parking area that circled the campus.

Let me state now that although I was treated badly, I thought the school was a good place for students, from what I saw in my brief time.

~ * ~

On September 13, 2018, right after I was harassed with a smile by Michael Jarabek, for no good reason, I texted my probation officer because I was required to report all police contact. 

Yes, I have screen shots.

~ * ~

Things only get worse.

This is the exact point at which relations between me and my probation officer broke down.

There’s no way the timing is simply a coincidence.

~ * ~

I’m feeling more calm and fair minded today, so I will add that if the Michigan Department of Corrections twisted justice out of shape, I would assume the directive did not come from the bottom of the chain of command.

~ * ~

Close up. Magnifying glass.

Strangely, according to my dated records, I did not discover Judge Booher’s September 11, 2018 motion to open up my internet access in my e-mail from my probation officer Michelle Gebben until after Inside the Thumb Mid Michigan Community College cop Michael Jarabek harassed me with a smile two days later on September 13, 2018.

I did not discover Judge Booher’s September 11, 2018 order until way after the fact.

It wasn’t until October 1, 2018, that I received an e-mail from my probation officer Michelle Gebben notifying me of the September 11, 2018 change, over two weeks later.

Why such timing?

Because of my difficulty accessing the internet?

For a while I had to use the public library.

No. I double checked. E-mail notification was not sitting and waiting for me.

Notification didn’t arrive in my e-mail until October 1.

~ * ~

Did my text message to my probation officer move the back channel network working against me, which I surmise existed in some form, to set me up with free internet access, as a precursor to a bogus accusation of probation violation?

~ * ~

Now the court wants to suddenly completely un-silence me?

That’s what I thought when I saw the September 11, 2018 motion.

I’m like the mouse drawn to cheese in a mouse trap, I thought immediately.

Immediately, I smelled a rat, as I told my probation officer through e-mail.

Unlike Donald Trump, who is supported by followers for witness tampering, I was cautioned against vague “threatening” and “intimidating behavior.”

E-mail chains are difficult and annoying to follow.

But I want to make clear the strange delay and timing here, the sudden release of my internet restriction minus a motion from my legal defense, mixed in with Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Community College odd harassment from cop Michael Jarabek.

My longer reply to Michelle Gebben regarding the suspicious un-silencing shows how shaky I felt in the world.

The world which does not listen to me about what was done to my body February 22-28, 2013.

I made absolutely clear my consistent refrain: the complainant from Land of Motown Community College and his wife lied in 2017, as part of bad faith action connected through however many links back to my illegal looney bin lock up in 2013.

~ * ~

No surprise at all.

My unrestricted internet access did not last for long.

I knew it wouldn’t.

~ * ~

For this period, I need to create a timeline of dates, though I did not always receive information on the day it was generated.

Officials seem to delay release of information as part of bad faith tactics.

~ * ~

Timeline of Events: Losing Internet Access Again, Being Pulled from the Classroom Again and Early Sentencing thanks to a Hitler-Loving Internet Troll

On or about October 13, 2018, my probation officer says I violated my probation by posting “about” the complainant, which I discovered through a October 17, 2018 motions and summons regarding probation violation.

I reviewed my Twitter posts and could find nothing objectionable.

On October 17, 2018, my probation officer went before Judge Booher who signed a motions and summon regarding an alleged probation violation.

On October 17, 2018, my probation officer accused me of violating probation online in an undated Michigan Department of Corrections report, which was faxed to my Bay City criminal defense attorney on December 10, 2018. No evidence was ever presented to support the October 17, 2018 claim that I violated probation because no probation violation hearing was ever held.

On October 20, 2018, in the mail I received the October 17, 2018 summons to appear in the 49th District Court on November 2, 2018, about an alleged probation violation in a social media post that was never presented, a ghost post. My probation officer refused to indicate the post in question, and my Bay city criminal defense attorney never got a chance to ask her.

On October 29, 2018, according to the same undated Michigan Department of Corrections report, which was faxed to my Bay City criminal defense attorney on December 10, 2018, a police officer from Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Mid Michigan Community College contacted the Michigan Department of Corrections. However, in contrast to hearsay in the report, it is very unlikely students, unless they were police student bad actors, which is possible, contacted the campus police about my never-discussed-in-class social media accounts. Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Mid Michigan Community College refuses to answer questions about its behavior.

On November 2, 2018, no probation hearing was held, but I lost internet access.

On November 6, 2018 Bill Schuette, who had previously gone out of his way to deny me equal protection and retaliate with Michigan State Police, lost the election for governor of Michigan to Democrat Gretchen Whitmer.

On November 7, 2018, the next day, I was removed from the classroom at Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Community College without cause, in retaliation, I believe it is fair and reasonable to say.

On November 11, 2018, my probation officer said in her undated report faxed to my Bay City criminal defense attorney on December 10, 2018, she “was able to obtain the defendant’s Facebook Messenger where it shows the defendant communicating with another subject on Facebook Messenger. This screen shot also shows the defendant engaged in five other conversations between November 12-17. These conversations would be violations of the defendants probation and the reason for the request for the immediate sentencing.” How did she acquire access to my Facebook Messenger? The only possibilities are hack or troll, right? A real person did not contact me on Facebook Messenger and then contact the authorities, as screen shots I took show. Furthermore, Michelle Gebben’s timeline as presented is nonsensical. Does she have some sort of internet crystal ball that can see hack or troll future Facebook Messenger messages?

On November 21, 2018, I was terminated from Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Community College, without cause, in retaliation.

Also on November 21, 2018, the day I was terminated, suspiciously, the Osceola County prosecutor went before Judge Booher to ask for immediate sentencing in my case, to terminate, also, my probation and punish me.

On November 27, 2018, in the mail, I received another notice to appear in the 49th District Court, on December 14, 2018, for immediate sentencing on delay of sentence–a punishment, not a gift.

On December 12, 2018, a stipulation and order to adjourn sentencing was signed by the judge, the prosecutor and my Bay City criminal defense attorney because my lawyer and his wife were having a baby.

Also, on December 12, 2018, the 49th District Court generated and mailed to me a notice to appear on January 25, 2019 for sentencing, rescheduled from December 14, 2018.

Also, on December 12, 2018, my probation officer finally faxed the undated Michigan Department of Corrections report to my Bay City criminal defense attorney, which discussed my entire probation period.

Spoiler: On January 25, 2019, Judge Booher arranged what would happen in advance with all parties but me. I was not allowed to speak. I was given a stalking misdemeanor, no jail time. My lawyer told me they wanted to jail me badly, which I sensed.

~ * ~

Spoiled: The stalking misdemeanor is preventing me for obtaining needed work with an income.

~ * ~

Does the timeline of events of my probation suggest back channel bad faith connection targeting me in action?

I think it does.

~ * ~

Breakdown of the Timeline of Events: Losing Internet Access Again, Being Pulled from the Classroom Again and Early Sentencing thanks to a Hitler-Loving Internet Troll.

Bogus probation violation accusation, dated October 17, 2018.

Count 1-Violation of Condition 29, Special Condition 4.5: You must not have verbal, written, electronic, or physical contact with the complainant and his wife either directly or through another person and you must not be within 500 feet of their residence, school, or place of employment unless on own property. On or about 10/13/18 you posted on social media about Mr. Complainant.

I was not prohibited from posting “about” anything.

~ * ~

I can’t say enough as I piece together what happened primarily for me: Disturbingly, though officials were happy to suggest otherwise in deceit, no hearing regarding an alleged probation violation with oaths and evidence was held on November 2, 2018.

No “post” was presented as evidence that I crossed some imaginary ill-defined line.

~ * ~

Getting ahead of myself.

But first, I was forced to scramble and worry from October 20 when I received the court hearing notice until the November 2 court date.

~ * ~

I was accused of violating probation but my probation officer would not tell me which post was a problem, which is ridiculous.

Are these people aware or concerned about due process?

~ * ~

Thus began a period of panicked demanding e-mails from me to my probation officer, which all went unanswered.

I won’t share them all, but I need to read them in order to recreate what happened, again, primarily for myself, so I can best advocate for myself.

~ * ~

~ * ~

Wow was I rightfully terrified of more jail time.

I still do not feel safe from additional bogus lock up, not one bit.

~ * ~

I was rightfully terrified of more jail time even before they released me from jail, well before it was clear that Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Community College had joined the Land of Motown Community College sexist suicide Gaslight witchhunt.

What I witnessed from inside the Osceola Jail, I suspected, was playing out in my life, which is what I anticipated all along.

Once the system had you, it liked to bring you back on probation violations.

Or, if you were targeted, like I think the evidence suggests I was, they could easily bring you back to jail on a probation violation, regardless of the facts.

The Michigan Department of Corrections has more protection from FOIA laws than other government and public agencies in the state, so transparency about what went on behind the scenes is blocked.

~ * ~

Through phone calls to the courthouse and court clerk, I learned that I was not covered by my previous court appointed attorney until after I was perhaps found guilty of a probation violation.

Waiting until I was perhaps found guilty of a probation violation would mean ideally a hearing, but also being jailed, potentially, arraigned, then being appointed a court appointed attorney, either the same one who did not defend me or another one, when it was already too late.

A a non-lawyer, that was one angle to the system I did not anticipate: lack of any kind of legal protection during probation.

~ * ~

I realized I needed to spend money on a local Bay City criminal defense attorney.

~ * ~

I did not have much time.

One does not retain a lawyer easily or quickly just because one needs a lawyer.

~ * ~

I went to one firm I saw advertised on the freeway on which I drove to and from the Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Community College satellite campus in the Saginaw area.

~ * ~

Inside joke: the original imaginative Saginaw vagina.

~ * ~

No one at that firm could make the court date, so a male lawyer sent me to a second guy, with a little joke to pass along.

I wasn’t to let the second guy charge me more than about three times what he did in fact charge me.

That’s funny.

~ * ~

The second guy had the November 2, 2018 court date available.

The second guy asked me for about three times the amount what the first lawyer said, with a clear smirk, he should charge.

I did not want to spend the money, because I’m cheap and knew my cash resources would run out too soon.

But more so knew I had to have a defense lawyer, so I paid, using proceeds from the sale of the lakehouse cabin.

~ * ~

As I recall, by the time I paid him, there was no time for my new Bay City criminal defense attorney to try and obtain, before the November 2, 2018 court date, the supposed social media post in which I allegedly violated probation.

The 49th District Court refused to share the information, and my new Bay city criminal defense attorney did not seem concerned.

He had my full payment up front.

~ * ~

My Bay City criminal defense attorney was significantly late arriving to court in Reed City, about 90 miles away from Bay City, on November 2, 2018.

~ * ~

I waited inside the 49th District Court room.

I sat in the back row nearest to the door.

I watched the clock strike 9:45 am.

No lawyer.

~ * ~

It was a slow day in court.

The courtroom and waiting room were pretty much empty.

I listened as Booher joked with a guy on probation who had stolen thirty grand and failed to make any payments toward restitution, a he was required.

He did not receive any jail time.

After that guy left, I was the only person in the courtroom except for the court cops.

(add art work of this scene)

~ * ~

My lawyer was almost an hour late.

Apparently, he called the court to inform them he was on his way but he was running late.

When he arrived, my Bay City criminal defense attorney was ushered past me into the judge’s chambers.

~ * ~

I was left alone sitting in the courtroom, watching and listening to the probation officers and cops standing around talking.

Yes, I recall the topic of conversation led by a non-hirsute (bald) white male probation officer who had attended a training session on drunk and drugged driving and really liked the food served, as well as the presentation. He was gung ho about returning the next time the updated science-based training was offered.

I looked at the dead white male judges pictured on the wall.

I could hear the judge, my lawyer, my probation officer and the prosecutor talking and at times laughing inside the judge’s chamber behind a closed door.

Later, when I asked him, my Bay City criminal defense attorney said they were joking about a Michigan State rivalry, or something, which may or may not be the case, I want to add. It’s not an unlikelihood.

In any case, the only thing I could do was wait.

~ * ~

No probation hearing was held.

~ * ~

My Bay City criminal defense attorney emerged from the judge’s chambers.

My Bay City criminal defense attorney and I then went into the jury room, located opposite the judge’s chamber’s, on the other side of the judge’s desk.

We shut the door.

I’m not sure my Bay city criminal defense lawyer sat down.

Maybe he stood at first but I sat down, so he sat down. Maybe.

We weren’t in the jury room for long.

My Bay City criminal defense said I need to sign a piece a paper he held out to me.

The document was presented to me as an agreement, as in I would agree to have my probation terms around social media and internet access curtailed, largely cut off except for work.

Did they know I would soon be fired? I wouldn’t be surprised.

I said again to my Bay City criminal defense attorney that I didn’t violate probation, but my Bay City criminal defense attorney smiled and shook his head, in his way, kind of like a fair skinned curious George, which is not an insult from me.

He said it was sign or go to jail.

He said I was lucky they were willing to negotiate anything less than jail time.

Here is what I signed and agreed to without much choice:

Add: 1 09.04 “The defendant is allowed to use the internet and e-mail for work related activities, such as locating classroom materials (i.e. literature for the lessons, Youtube for the lessons), correspondence with co-workers, students, and any other internet based work programs (employment related such as pay, on-line relate materials or work related requests). Defendant is not allowed to post, comment or create anything on social media forums (Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, etc.).”

Was this Petition and Order for Amendment of Order of Probation document with the added restriction written, created, printed on November 2, 2018, while we waited for my attorney to arrive, or in advance?

I presume my lawyer did not watch it being typed.

~ * ~

Driving home from Osceola County to Bay County, not in jail, I did not feel safe.

I felt fucked over. (may edit later)

I reviewed what had happened.

My lawyer did not push effectively enough on my behalf, even after I paid him.

I knew I did not have enough money to pay for more time on legal tasks, to pay for better defense, like I needed.

~ * ~

It felt good and I felt revealed not being in jail, of course, but I knew I was not anywhere near in the clear.

~ * ~

I knew that even as nice a guy as my Bay City Criminal defense lawyer is, that likely he did not realize his own limitations, his own sexism.

I tried to prepare him to defend me, but I don’t think he believed me at first when I told him that someone is after me and that mine was not a routine case.

He may not agree.

Because he later agreed that someone is after me.

Someone is after you, he explained eventually.

Which is what they call mansplaining, technically.

I knew someone was after me, which is what I told him when we first spoke.

Land of Motown Community College had been after me since 2012, collecting more complicit bad actors along the way, like the movie It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad World.

~ * ~

It was crazy.

I was told I was violating probation, but not told how or shown in which post.

~ * ~

After court, I realized it was a mistake for my Bay City criminal defense attorney to not obtain the supposed social media post in question.

~ * ~

At some point prior to the November 2, 2018 court appearance, my old e-mails remind me, my probation officer told me that someone had phone called the prosecutor’s office about my social media posts.

I guess my probation officer told me on the phone that someone called the prosecutor about my social media posts because she did not answer my e-mails.

No, she told me in person, after court, when I completed my monthly check in.

~ * ~

Did an internet troll call the prosecutor?

Was it the lying complainant or his lying wife?

That’s my top bet.

But I will never find out.

~ * ~

November 2018.

I was really shaky at this point.

Both my own story and the larger story of life in the United States were building to a new level of overwhelming.

I was very disturbed by the U.S. Supreme Court hearings regarding the nomination of Brett Kavanuagh, as well as the killing of Saudi Arabia journalist Jamal Khashoggi.

Not another conservative Catholic U.S. Supreme Court justice credibly accused of sexual misconduct and a lack of respect for women.

The global murder of journalists is also an extremely disturbing trend.

I do not say lightly that I am being silenced like a journalist in a third world county.

My Michigan, America is a third world country.

~ * ~

I find it so unsettling in my isolation to watch the world big picture via Google News and NPR to see corruption and demagoguery eroding democracy in the United States, and closed-minded, short-sighted populism destabilizing places like the Philippines and Great Britain.

To face jail time during this period of world happenings in order to silence me was and remains deeply terrifying.

How to be crushed on display in American by Americans gracefully?

~ * ~

I surmise Land of Motown Community College contacted Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten State Community College.

~ * ~ 

Coincidence?

Less than a week after my November 2, 2018 court appearance in which no probation hearing was held, so I never got to see what post was supposedly objectionable, after I was silenced online, I was pulled from the building, removed from the classroom, before a nine am class at Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten State Community College, well, actually the satellite campus in Saginaw, where students were perhaps much less likely to ask question and complain.

Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Community College didn’t let me finish teaching the semester.

The school felt I was such a threat it would better to disrupt the coursework of four sections worth of students rather than to keep dangerous me around.

~ * ~

It still blows my mind and hurts so much.

There are too many coincidences in my story.

On the same day the state attorney general Bill Schuette was not dead (because of course I had no intention of killing him, as I was questioned in 2015), and on the same day he did not wake up to a win the election to become governor of Michigan–six years to the calendar date that I was pulled from the classroom at Land of Motown Community College, November 7, 2012, the exact calendar date, six years later, November 7, 2018–I was pulled from the classroom at Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten State Community College.

~ * ~

That’s not rain. That’s my brain splattered everywhere.

~ * ~

I was pulled from the classroom again. 

Again, nothing had happened. 

And again Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten State Community College did not feel the need to supply any real reason, just general mumbo-jumbo of the human resource trade.

Written by a lawyer out to do no good with verbal trickery, paid for by tax payer and student funds.

~ * ~

I was required to inform my probation officer of all such changes in my life, so I e-mailed her.

~ * ~ 

Vague unnamed concerns.

William MacQueen’s playbook.

~ * ~

The amount of character assassination I have endured is overwhelming, over and over, overwhelming.

I mean, I feel like I’m second in line after major female politicians for hate directed at me by name, but I enjoy none of the benefits of women like Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi.

I am dirt under the doormat.

It’s very difficult to imagine anything but falling down the cracks for me.

~ * ~

It’s also very difficult to imagine that students told their parents about the name of their English teacher, then looked on Twitter together to see if perhaps my Twitter account was objectionable.

I definitely did not talk to students about my story or my Twitter account.

It was not the business of Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Community College to police my probation.

This termination letter is a mess of lies and crossing lines.

Writing grade: F

Failure for lack of integrity.

In turn, I suspend the school.

~ * ~

At this point, I’ve been murdered and ripped apart and left alone in my zombie existence so many times, I really should have either:

1) become suicidal,

2) dropped dead of a fatal heart attack or aneurism or

3) been shot dead on one of too many bogus police welfare checks. 

All because of mental health care, bogus, criminal mental health care.

~ * ~  

I saw on Facebook a Japanese manga image of a character knocked down on the ground, in grim black and grey, crawling forward to sew himself back together. 

The image imprinted itself on my mind like a tattoo.

I know the feeling.

~ * ~

You really can’t imagine my pain, like I can’t imagine yours, though we can try. 

At the same time, I forget my own strength. 

You too? 

~ * ~

I wrote that line about strength six months ago, when homelessness and joblessness were less pressing concerns. I feel very weak this week, listening to the impeachment hearings. The rhetoric of Devin Nunes is making me sick due to its trickery designed for sound bites on Fox News.

~ * ~

When my probation officer released her report on December 10, 2018, I found out that the latest hit against me was worse than just being removed again from the classroom like a plague or victim of leprosy.

A lawyer for Inside of the Thumb Mitten State Community College contacted the Michigan Department of Corrections. 

The school tried to have me jailed on bogus accusations of probation violations.

So I would not smear the college’s name.

Then they removed me from the classroom.

Then they fired me.

And they were not open to reconsidering their mistakes, in contrast to the termination letter clearly written by a lawyer.

Me, now a two time de-classroomed writing teacher. 

Two all girl Catholic high schools and now-two time de-classsroomed renegade English teacher. Looney bin and county jail lock up.

What the hell is next? (maybe edit later)

~ * ~

Here’s Michelle Gebben’s report faxed to my Bay City criminal defense attorney on December 12, 2018.

~ * ~

Wow, people really don’t like me anymore, and it hurts.

~ * ~

On November 11, 2018, my probation officer said in her undated report faxed to my Bay City criminal defense attorney on December 10, 2018, she “was able to obtain the defendant’s Facebook Messenger where it shows the defendant communicating with another subject on Facebook Messenger. This screen shot also shows the defendant engaged in five other conversations between November 12-17. These conversations would be violations of the defendants probation and the reason for the request for the immediate sentencing.”

How did she acquire access to my Facebook Messenger?

The only possibilities are hack or troll, right?

A real person did not contact me on Facebook Messenger and then contact the authorities, as screen shots I took show.

Furthermore, Michelle Gebben’s timeline as presented is nonsensical.

Does she have some sort of internet crystal ball that can see hack or troll future Facebook Messenger messages?

~ * ~

Michelle Gebben had no idea what she was looking at.

What was she looking at?

How did she access my private account?

Here’s what I saw.

Texting is something I was always allowed to do. 

In fact, I exchanged texts with my probation officer, Michelle Gebben, who texted me first. 

The troll “Christine Heikkenen” appeared in my Facebook Messenger unbeknownst to me at the same time the troll “Jeff Morgan” was sending me rape and death threats through e-mail, after I got out of jail, in the fall of 2017, a year earlier.

Are “Christine Heikkenen” and “Jeff Morgan” the same person?

How did the troll “Christine Heikkenen” know I was kicked off social media?

The troll “Christine Heikkenen” must be an insider.

Worst case scenario: the troll “Christine Heikkenen” is OCC Lying Cop #2 or an associate.

I sent Judge Kimberly Booher screen shots but not evidence of all my replies to troll “Christine Heikkennen.”

I skipped my angry insults.

In 2017, the troll “Christine Heikkenen” pretended to be caring.

In 2018, the troll “Christine Heikkenen” suggested ‘she’ followed my activity very closely and that information about my probation was available online.

I smelled a stinking rat.

I truly thought and still do think that Facedbook messenger is not social media. It’s a form of private messaging.

I wish someone would investigate who this troll “Christine Heikkenen” really is.

At the time, the Michigan Department of Corrections was withholding information, information which they never shared.

Also at that time, the troll “Christine Heikkenen” “liked” both Oakland County Sheriff’s Office and politician Adolf Hitler. 

Yes!  This crazy story returns to Hitler: Hitler’s Bookie, Anne Frank, Casablanca.

~ * ~

Thank goodness for screen shots, although evidence hasn’t helped me so far in the civic arena. 

Readers of the previous section may recall that the year prior the troll “Jeff Morgan” threatened to kill my dog, rape and murder me through e-mail, which the Michigan State Police preferred to totally ignore.  They were too busy falsely prosecuting me for stalking Land of Motown Community College Lying Cop #2.

All five e-mails sent by the troll “Jeff Morgan” were posted in the previous section and shared with Judge Kimberley Booher, but she ignored the evidence.

Here’s a screen shot of one I took on my small Obama phone.

It was sent the same day the troll “Christine Heikkenen” sent me the first Facebook Messenger private message.

~ * ~

This nightmare caused by criminal and retaliatory mental health care refuses to end.

~ * ~

The Michigan Department of Corrections report asked for immediate sentencing, five months earlier than probation was scheduled to end, which was not a present, because the report instead suggests an additional 55 days in jail due to the activity of hacking or trolling my Facebook Messenger account. 

My probation officer concluded: “It is the recommendation of the probation department that the defendant lost the benefit of the delay of sentence.” 

In other words, erase my vague plea deal, erase my good behavior on probation, and find me guilty regardless of the full facts or evidence.

Then point was to silence me. 

~ * ~

The MDOC suggested ending probation, but also asked for 55 additional days in the Osceola County jail. 

For clearly purely fabricated and under-handed reasons connecting cops to Hitler and internet shenanigans.

~ * ~

I actually respected by probation officer. 

Was she forced to join the effort to silence me?

“Since the defendant’s termination from her employment,” she commented, “this agent has received seven additional emails from the defendant discussing Land of Motown Community College and how she is being tortured by the state of Michigan.”

YES!

“Please accept this e-mail as a legal demand. Stop and cease immediately. In your report faxed to my attorney on December 10, 2018, you used the phrase ‘potential for self harm’ about me as partial reason for your request for immediate sentencing and 55 days additional jail time.”

~ * ~

Bill Schuette’s 2015 retaliation by 2017 had spun way out of control, with the help of a dirty-acting or maybe inexperienced prosecutor and untrustworthy not honorable, if you ask me, judge.

And a Hitler “liking” internet troll who brought up another troll who had made death threats against me.

It was suggested by authorities representing the people of Michigan that I may be crazy enough to deserve additional jail time, which is nonsensical on top of actual Hitler by name dangerous-to-me goofiness. 

~ * ~

I was further damaged, for real, terrorized with thoughts of bogus incarceration.

I was stopped from redressing the government.

I was stopped from redressing the government on social media and stopped from documenting my story.

When I was also silenced in the classroom, which meant I was jailed in effective silence, which is dangerous and maddening for me, in my story.

I felt very afraid not being able to post on social media updates.

Ever since February 22, 2013, I have known that cops can swarm in and abduct me from my home, which I feared, which I wrote about online, which then happened again August 25, 2017, which will happen again in December or January 2019, it appears, thanks to the latest wave of bad news.

On Black Friday, 2019, the day after Thanksgiving, I discovered that the state of Michigan drained my bank account.

I had about three grand, two more months to save my life, somehow find a job, pitch this story, find a way to keep going.

Now I have less than twenty bucks in my wallet and no way to pay rent to today, December 1, 2019.

I still stand by my claims of the state of Michigan torturing me.

~ * ~

Torture.

Silencing.

I lost my job based in part on probation violations that didn’t happen, which were instigated by an obvious troll.

My employment prospects took a major hit and have not recovered.

I’m hungry as I learned recently I must immediately start conserving food supplies.

~ * ~

I had a job interview with a call center on Monday, tomorrow, but I don’t have gas and money to get there.

I need to save my last gas to surrender my animals when I run out of food for them.

The last stages of No Good Ending arrived before Santa skipped my house again this year.

~ * ~

I took a major hit in the same body that has already been through so much, including being handcuffed and being abducted from my own home, being shackled hand and foot, then knocked out with drugs, being human trafficked for medical purposes.

And that’s just 2013.

~ * ~

My probation officer named Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Community College in her final report asking for jail time. 

She also conflated the college’s concern for its own image with my mental health. 

She wrote: “The agent’s supervisor was . . . contacted by the attorney for Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Community College to express their concerns for the threats to smear their image and place things on social media as well as the potential self-harm.” 

Put the college’s reputation first.

Pretend to care about the broad.

~ * ~

I hear you loud and clear.   

~ * ~

I have taught at five of twenty eight community college’s in Michigan.

I am very aware of the way colleges compete for students, package themselves and try to sell student tuition hours.

The motto at Diego Rivera For the Love of the Assembly Line Community College was at one time borrowed from Burger King: have education your way!

Students circulate colleges and understand all this advertising to mean: give us the money, and we will give you grades.

~ * ~

The Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Community College Cop who harassed me turned out to be an out of the closet Fox News style conservative with flagrant admissions of sexism, racism and intolerance in his Facebook postings. 

He did not hesitate to name himself a police officer for Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Community College as he denigrated women on social media, I found out very quickly on Facebook.

To my horror, not surprise.

I printed out a few cropped screenshots last year of Michael Jarabek’s Facebook page.

With this effort, I am supporting my claims, and trying to save my life.

I am not seeking contact or seeking to harm in any way Michael Jarabek or his relations personally.

Writing assignment to practice analysis.

What message do these two images combined, Nancy Pelosi caricature and child in the womb, say? About the author? About the subjects? About the world?

Write a complete essay. Pick a point and stick to it. Beginning, middle and end. Include an introduction with a hook, and a conclusion weighted to hold and convince readers of your point of view. Use “I” for narration with relevant examples. Otherwise, do not use “I.” Title your essay. Have fun! Inform and entertain the widest general adult audience. Aim to reach disparate Americans.

Last year I posted on his Facebook page asking for peace.

Asking him to tell me who sent him to harass me.

I asked him to be an ambassador for peace.

He did not respond.

I erased my posts.

Writing exercise prompt for free writing.

Using Michael Jarabek’s point of view, as you see it, mock or replicate his meme below of Senator Chuck Schumer with a companion meme about a white male cop. Use words, or if your prefer, visual art or music, to convey your response.

Around this time last year, like right now, I was also stuck in this nice Bay City, Michigan apartment, with a direct view of the college right across the street.

I was stuck inside then due to deep depression and the affliction of this crazy world hitting my skull and bones hard.

For too long.

~ * ~

Warm up.

Write a tweet for a historical character.

~ * ~

George Washington did not write the U.S. Constitution or the Bill of Rights.

But they exist.

Like or not.

~ * ~

If Michael Jarabek wasn’t also sexist and intolerant on Facebook, his childish way of mocking speech in a racist manner would be more forgivable.

~ * ~

A helpful actual person follower informed me through Facebook that there is actually a law MCL 389.128 that says the community college campus cop in Michgian needs to stay on campus.

Not make rat calls across the state, without evidence, open to great bias, misconduct and a lack of transparency.

Did someone tell Michael Jarabek about my metaphor, “Jesus Raped Me”?

Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Community College joined the Land of Motown Community College witchhunt to silence me.

Did Bill Schuette reach out to Michael Jarabek?

How many degrees of separation exist between the two men?

Bill Schuette’s hometown, Midland, is just down the road, from Bay City and Saginaw.

This post endorsing Bill Schuette in his failed bid for governor, two weeks before the election and my removal from the classroom, says the police union endorsed Bill Schuette, which is not a surprise.

~ * ~

The facts were overwhelming in my isolation seeing them alone without public support.

I never violated probation and was never found guilty after a hearing for any violations of probation. 

I was accused of probation violations by confirmed bad actors and threatened with additional jail time. 

~ * ~

Meanwhile, Michael Jarabek made it very clear that he was not self aware of his own objectionable sexism and racism.

And that he would likely disapprove of me and “Jesus rape.”

Have you heard the one about the delusional American president?

~ * ~

The accusations against me made no sense and in their lunacy were terrifying. 

Lunatic power on the loose after me. 

Lunatic power on the loose pissed off because I’m still on the loose.

~ * ~

I think it’s fair to say Michael Jarabek does not respect the stories of abuse told by women my age.

October 7, 2018.

Michael Jarabek celebrates Brett Kavangaugh’s confirmation to the U.S. Supreme court.

Women across the country, like me, I’m sure felt betrayed and re-traumatized.

Not another one.

~ * ~

The judge granted the request for a sudden immediate hearing to sentence me and end open delayed sentencing skipping probation hearings all together. 

On November 21, 2018, the day I was terminated at Inside the Thumb Mid Michigan Community College, the Osceola County prosecutor went before Judge Booher to ask for immediate sentencing in my case, to terminate, also, my probation and punish me.

On November 27, 2018, in the mail, I received another notice to appear in the 49th District Court, on December 14, 2018, for immediate sentencing on delay of sentence–a punishment, not a gift.

On December 12, 2018, a stipulation and order to adjourn sentencing was signed by the judge, the prosecutor and my Bay city criminal defense attorney because my lawyer and his wife were having a baby.

Also, on December 12, 2018, the 49th district court generated and mailed to me a notice to appear on January 25, 2019 for sentencing, rescheduled from December 14, 2018.

A court date was scheduled to take place after Martin Luther King Jr. Day, 2019. 

~ * ~

The 49^th District Court threatened me with jail from the beginning of November 2018, when I was pulled from the classroom again, through the end of January 2019. 

~ * ~

It was a long winter season from Thanksgiving until my next and final scheduled court appearance, when I could be taken to jail. 

~ * ~

My criminal lawyer was having a baby. 

Even though it delayed my waiting in hell, it also gave me time to review what the hell had been going on, so my immediate sense was thank goodness.

Phew! Some good luck.

Again, I had to hold the system in check myself.  

~ * ~

Sleuthing the trolls mentioned in the MDOC report and finding sheer nonsense, I wrote the judge directly, twice, as court documentation unfolded and was presented to me, through November and December.

I wrote to the judge about the gaping problems in the MDOC and prosecutor’s behavior.

Twice.

Dated December 12, 2018, I made clear the problems in Michelle Gebben and the prosecutor’s request.

Included copies of the Facebook Messenger troll activity, both the 2017 death threats and the 2018 suspicious activity.

I included in my first letter to Judge Kimberly Booher my Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Community College application, in which I was honest about my legal woes.

Apparently, no one at Inside the Thumb Mid Mitten Community College read my application before hiring me.

I included in my first letter to Judge Booher a full copy of the e-mail Michelle Gebben quoted in her report, as well as the termination letter from Inside the Thumb Mid Michigan Community College.

The college “has mishandled this situation,” I informed the white guy in charge, in human resources, who pulled me out of the classroom, “which it created unnecessarily. Smearing my classroom behavior without cause or evidence shows a clear lack of good faith. Twitter trolls should not be allowed to run any reputable organization.”

Not even the USA.

~ ~

Funny, I promised Inside the Thumb Mid Michigan Community college to write and post until I was finally closed down.

Spectrum Cable tells me that will be happening tonight at 12:01 am December 2, 2019.

What a coincidence!

It is now a little afternoon.

Twelve hours left online to add documents to this narration.

~ * ~

In my second letter to Judge Booher, dated a week after the first, December 18, 2018.

I was more clear by that point that I was being mistreated.

I asked outright:

“Why, instead of an ex parte motion for immediate sentencing signed by you wasn’t a show cause hearing scheduled, so I could defend myself against an alleged probation violation?”

I have mail receipts for both letters, but the second one is handy.

~ * ~

Of course Judge Booher did not respond, or any time comment, or allow me opportunity to ask her about my mailing on record. 

~ * ~ 

My lawyer won’t agree with me, I surmise, but I think I may have had as much to do about keeping me out of jail as he did.

Booher could use judge tricks to silence me, but jailing me would be too obvious retaliation.

She attacked through her available tools which would likely go un-watched, but she under-estimated me.

~ * ~

I filed a Judicial Tenure Commission Commission complaint about Judge Booher, fat with the full transcripts and other relevant disclosures.

I found an existing legal complaint written about another judge under review and written by a lawyer on the review panel to use as a guiding template for my request for investigation of Judge Booher.

~ * ~

The Judicial Tenure Commission acknowledged receipt of my request for investigation.

~ * ~     

When I finally got to court, on January 25, 2019, for about my thirteenth or fourteenth required visit in full, though I only was forced to stand inside the courtroom about roughly five times, due to delays and cancellations, spanning nearly two years, again, the judge did not hold a hearing. 

Again, she concluded manners privately in her chambers, without me. 

With brief ceremony, in court, she gave me a misdemeanor attempted stalking charge. 

She covered up the cop and Hitler loving highly suspicious troll action. 

I was not allowed to speak.

A felony stalking charge was reduced to a misdemeanor stalking charge.

My court appointed lawyer originally had suggested the whole thing might completely disappear, wiped off the books, or be reduced to a misdemeanor disturbing the peace kind of thing.

But he was very slippery and represented me poorly, in a rustic remote local kind of way, hidden in the old northwest territories with usually no one telling him otherwise so publicly.

~ * ~

Chapter: “Someone is After You”

I’m coming to terms with the recent present as I review the distant past and beginning of this story. 

What should I do next?  

I need to apply for work with a resume and career only filled with community college teaching positions. 

I need to respond “yes” to I having a criminal record.

Lowes, Kroger and Aldi all have said or suggested I failed the background check.

~ * ~

My family? 

On my estranged disturbed Catholic mother’s Dugas side is Catholic.

To an extreme fault.

They don’t like to talk about the black blood in the family.

As a teenager, I realized my Grandpa Milton looked like black men in American history and my Gramma Dugas (not Gramma Hilda) looked a little like maybe an older Billie Holiday.

My father’s Canadian side is not Catholic. 

They were much more fun to be around.

As one would imagine.

I don’t know if my dad is dead or alive.

My parents divorced in the 1970s.

Divorce runs in the family on my Dad’s side.

My Gramma Bea, a bull dog of a woman, married Grampa Leo, who was not blood, but a great guy.

Grampa Leo had a vibrating heated reclining chair in which he would sit to and let me and my brother shave him with an electric shaver.

I don’t talk to my brother, Rodney Fournier, who was born greedy because my father did not love him, poor kid.

~ * ~

God, my mother and the state stand against me, on my every and last nerve. 

My mother has caused me more pain than anyone in my story.

She raised me Catholic to share the penance to which she was subjected.

My mom believes in Catholic sexism, not Jesus as god.

I haven’t found the place yet in this narration to tell the story about what my disturbed Catholic mother did to me as a teenager, not yet.

It’s too painful.

When I was maybe nineteen, she Gaslit me.

~ * ~

Around the time the movies Frances came out, in which Jessica Lange was locked up as real-life actress Frances Farmer, after I kicked a hole in the hallway wall when her years of nagging broke me down, something I’d seen had happened at friends’ homes, no big deal, my mother decided I was dangerous and needed to see a psychiatrist.

But first, she threw a huge, raging fit and ripped down all the posters in my bedroom, including Rod Stewart, pulled out the drawers in my dressers, emptied them on the floor, and totally destroyed my bedroom.

To not calmly illustrate her displeasure.

Then she sat in her rocking chair, silently rocked for a long time, and as the chair squeaked, she looked like the scariest bitch on the planet.

The rocking chair was baby blue velvet and her robe was handmade out of stripped fabric in shades of grey, not an attractive look.

~ * ~

For some reason, I was a good girl who did what I was told, and I accompanied her to the psychiatrist, without speaking, pissed off.

My mother had been a screaming, crying, nagging, overwhelmed parent my entire life.

~ * ~

I came very close to being locked up that day, but they got the poor teenage girl ahead of me in line instead.

I watched that unlucky young woman being escorted out of the doctor’s office by her parents.

She was dripping in pain.

A Nurse Ratchet type wearing a nurse hat told my mother through the glass window in the office separating the waiting room from the worker’s quarters that the doctor was no longer available to see me because he was going to lock up the chick before me.

~ * ~

My mother and I left, did not speak driving home, and never returned.

We never spoke about the incident again.

~ * ~

I hate my mother deeply.

~ * ~

There is more to say that I can’t fit in now, not well, not under the clock.

~ * ~

While I was incarcerated, after we had not spoken for years, when she turned me down for bail money, my mother told me she talked to William MacQueen, my Larry Nassar, on the phone, back in 2012 or 2013.

He told her I was causing trouble for my co-workers in their personal life, I heard on the jail pay phone.

My idiot Catholic mother talked to my employer while the school was actively crushing me.

My mother believed lies about me from a man, even a stranger, because the women in my Catholic family are screwed by the sexism of Catholicism.

~ * ~

My mother has not stood up for me.

I needed her to lead the way, stand up for me, so others would stand up for me.

She just wasn’t capable.

~ * ~

One summer night, my brother choked on a Popsicle.

My mom want to action best she knew how.

She grabbed the kid by his feet, started screaming and shaking him upside down on the porch.

My mother annoyed the Popsicle out of my brother.

My mother likely doesn’t realize how she raised her son and daughter differently based on sexism.

~ * ~

I last talked to my Dad in 2013.

He was pissed off about my mother’s behavior and also concerned that I was crazy like her, though he did not say so.

He didn’t know what to say or do.

I sent him my newly dead husband’s Lincoln Continental.

Cost me a big chunk of change because he did not want to fly up and drive it back.

I probably was too nice.

~ * ~

I have no family. 

~ * ~

I know no one I can turn to at this point.  

My story has separated me from everyone I once knew.

~ * ~

I Just know my dog and bird, who will I need to surrender this month when I run out of food for them.

~ * ~

I talk to myself. 

I am not schizophrenic. 

I was over evaluated by the hack shrinks, never evaluated by the people who locked me up, and I was never labeled schizophrenic. 

Despite a week in St. Mary Merciless looney bin, no one has ever asked me if I talk to myself, aloud or in my head. 

I do both. 

I started talking to myself while growing up in a disturbed home, with my mother delusional about the necessary centrality of Catholicism, and my dad gone. 

There was no else intelligent to talk to, so I began talking to myself alone in my room, even before I attended without choice poor quality Catholic schools. 

~ * ~

I am not crazy. 

My mind is rich, but I am not by my nature broken. 

This is my way. 

Look around the grocery store. 

A lot of people talk to themselves. 

~ * ~

I am not a super human, but I was not broken. 

I did not need the treatment that was forced upon me. 

I was not seriously mental ill, unable to take care of myself, or confused about reality when this all started.

~ * ~

Bogus mental health care can torture a person into sounding like an automaton or a crazy woman in order to try in vain to defend herself.

~ * ~

I can report much more about my current psychological condition, but it is dangerous for me to do so. 

I could talk about my home alone anti-Catholic cursing. 

I verbally regurgitate repetitions of the many rote repetitions of the Catholic mass I was forced to experience. 

I could analyze the way a priest cuts open the church by walking down the aisle with a metal crucifix and how that action imprinted upon my mind. 

There are definitely things to consider regarding the constant central display of a bleeding mostly naked white man, on a cross, at the front of every room, within Catholic land. 

The same honor to death hangs around the necks of every nun and priest. 

~ * ~

Eating god, drinking god blood. 

I just watched and did what I told, as a child, dazed and confused, then slowly as I became a teenager starting sensing my revulsion. 

Worst religion ever. 

For me.

~ * ~   

It is simply unacceptable for my own state government to help the church I left ruin my life and commit criminal mental abuse and get away with it in the United States of America. 

A religion that believes in virgin birth, resurrection, ascension and an infallible pope is not allowed to call me crazy dangerous. 

The sexist Catholic Church is not allowed to lock me away in Catholic Siberia illegally and get away with it. 

The Felician Nuns of Livonia are not allowed to recapture me and hold me down as their bridegroom Jesus rapes me, metaphorically speaking. 

~ * ~

I treat social media posting about my story as an uneasy combination of documentation like a journalist and intimate diary admissions.

I say things people don’t like, and I pay dearly for it.

I don’t know what else to do.

I’m still trying to save my life. 

~ * ~ 

I have documented my panic attacks, depression and anger on social media.  

I have shared my hurt inner child and my venom. 

I have prayed. 

I’m better at meditation.

I’m not that good at meditation, but even bad mediation helps.

~ * ~

I am doing the best I can under the circumstances, which means my panic attacks this past year have been regular and massive. 

~ * ~

Before the onset of my Larry Nassar, I had learned for decades not to handle life like my mother.

The witchhunt infantilized me and I’ve regressed.

~ * ~

Winter is here again.

Winter 2019.

That means the seven year anniversary of my illegal looney bin lock up, 2013-2020 is approaching.

I still have not saved my life, while my murder slips further into the past.

I have less than $3,500.00.

~ * ~

Update.

The state emptied my bank account to levy back income taxes due, I discovered on Black Friday.

I have last than twenty bucks in my wallet.

~ * ~

No one has offered me a job and hired me.

My safety nets are gone.

What’s going to happen to me?

~ * ~ 

I faced the sixth-year anniversary of my looney bin lock up at the end of February 2019, thankfully not in jail, but with my mind spinning. 

Yes, the police stopped by to make sure I was suffering, a few times. 

If the neighbors are calling, of course they deserve peace and security. 

But what about me?  Where am I suppose to go? 

Hurt me and I feel pain. 

~ * ~

I believe I have endured some level, hopefully low and recoverable, of brain damage from crying panic attacks. 

I have endured periods of dizziness and headache. 

I think I must be a candidate for brain aneurysm, or stroke. 

Maybe not. 

I hope not.

~ * ~ 

I guess why no one has helped me end this hell. 

What else can I do?

My Magic Eight Ball is broken.

~ * ~

I am terrified of homelessness as a next logical plot marker in my story. which will happen because I can’t write a rent check for December rent.

While editing, I received a notice to quit my apartment, due to crying noise, back in April.

I used gardening and gift flowers, in part, to get out of the bind, at least so far.

Though the landlady is nice, she will demand payment.

Chapter: No Good Ending?

Some days this past winter, I could hardly move, but I did, though slowly, with great effort, and not well. 

~ * ~

Spring weather helped.

~ * ~

Just keep going, I tell myself. 

Out loud.

Fight against criminal mental health care and its potentially life-ending effects. 

Take action. 

Find a next step. 

Just keep going.

~ * ~

I contacted Dr. John, my therapist I saw to combat the wtichhunt back in 2012.

The one who did not have my back in 2013, when I was locked up.

I pleaded, demanded, wrote nicely: I need a follow up visit and a letter of recommendation for a therapist in my area. 

I can’t walk in blind with my story. 

He declined.  I got the impression he wanted to protect his past missteps. 

It is extra painful for your own therapist to turn on you, twice. 

~ * ~ 

Isn’t there a limit to the amount of pain a person can feel? 

I’d assumed incorrectly there was a rock bottom, like people talk about.

~ * ~

I am exploring what I called art therapy. 

I painted a great deal this past winter, quickly, on cheap paper, creating an art diary, which has helped tremendously.

 

~ * ~

Good health remains a constant battle, like mediating daily is a challenge, even though it is also very helpful.

~ * ~ 

I have recast my story in cartoon form to help me cope. 

I’ve imagined a collection of characters, all shades of me, who rally around a Wicked Witch. 

I’ve tried to recast the Wicked Witch into a much nicer Dashboard Dolly, a cigar smoking Hawaiian hula girl in her later years.

~ * ~

When the pain of mental abuse rages, I suffer so greatly I can understand violence and suicide.

But I am not violent or suicidal, which means I’m caged. 

I am trapped in criminal mental abuse.  

And I need out. 

~ * ~

The cops showed up a few times this year. 

Because I cry loudly.  

Inside my home.

I assume a neighbor has called.  

I hope neighbors have called, not hacks or trolls. 

My landlady is nice but concerned, which is reasonable. 

~ * ~

I have fought to SAVE MY LIFE, but things only get worse. 

This last year has been the worst. 

~ * ~

But I am trying. 

I have been trying this whole time.

~ * ~

I need justice, but nothing I’ve tried so far works.

~ * ~

At this point, I have commandeered eleven official Michigan Civil Rights commission complaints based on action current within the tight six month window of opportunity.

1. Michigan Department of the Attorney General.

I think the timing of my Black Friday bank levy which drained my bank account was retaliatory.

I worked the system through diligence to connect the present to 2015 when Bill Schuette denied equal protection and retaliated with Michigan State Police.

Rich Cunningham, a Bill Schuette guy, who wrote the letter denying equal protection using legal trickery to bury crimes committed against me, is still in office and sitting on the mailing I sent to the new governor and attorney general, the day before my January 25, 2019 court appearance.

2. Michigan State Police, who are giving me the run around about trying to complete the filing of police report with documentation proving OCC Lying Cop #2 and his wife committed perjury in front of Judge Booher.

Again, I connected the most recent Michigan State Police harassment, in April 2019, to November 19, 2015, when Bill Schuette sent Todd Parsons and Norma Naylor were sent to harass me and mis-label me crazy in the 911 Meceola system.

The police report for April 2019 talks about checking to see if I smelled when I was not crying inside my home.

(must load additional police foia in many places)

3. Michigan Department of Health and Human Services.

When I FOIA’ed the Michigan Department of Health and Human Services, particularly workers in Big Rapids, particularly Kristi Barron, as chronicled in an earlier section, I got a crazy talk version of harassment and retaliation.

~ * ~

I am not delusional.  I am suffering from extreme long-term mind rape.  The pain is incredible. 

Do I want to go to the hospital?  No!  The only cure is justice and there is no justice for me and my story, not in time, maybe not ever.

I don’t need to be locked up again because I was locked up in a mental ward due to criminal action, without need, with utmost cruelty.

4. Bay County police, for getting sucked into this nightmare.

Police should be better trained regarding so-called welfare checks and better coordinated to best handle citizens in the state, like me, with experience being harassed by too many police agencies.

5. Bay City police.

Same as Bay County.

6. Livonia Police.

On April 1, 2019, which occurred while I as writing this document in the section inside St. Mary Merciless human trafficking mental ward, the Livonia Catholics made false police reports to the Livonia Police to say I threatended to burn down the hospital, which I most certainly did not do.

Through coincidence or stupidity, the Livonia cops sent Owen Keaton, Stupid Cop, who abducted me from my home on February 22, 2013, after Terry McCauley suicide swatted, on William MacQueen’s orders, then lied to Wayne county Probate Court, to investigate the claims at St. Mary Merciless.

The Livonia cops wrote reports in 2019 saying I was crazy and had been “petitioned” by them, in other words, taken to St. Mary Merciless, multiple times, which is not true either.

I have a great deal of FOIA, to back these claims, which needs safe keeping.

The Livonia Police mislead the local police, telling them I was nutz.

7. St. Mary Merciless human trafficking mental ward.

For making up the crap about me and for changing and erasing my medical records.

The copy of 2013 medical records sent to me in 2019 were altered slightly and largely erased to cover up their crimes.

I think they may have gotten the crazy idea to say falsely I threatened to burn down the hospital from some of the other players in this sordid tale.

Under oath, OCC Lying Cop #2 complained to Judge Booher that I might burn down his house, which was pure fabricated baseless character assassination.

8. Oakland Community College

The rat bastards that started this whole mess.

Oakland Community College, aka Land of Motown Community College, hired a law firm to handle my recent FOIA requests and my request for public hearings about their police officers, OCC Lying Cop #1 and OCC Lying Cop #2, using that law a Facebook followers actual person told me about.

~ * ~

Oakland Community College has been acting with great hostility toward me in 2019.

They want to charge me crazy large sums of money, almost a grand, for my FOIA requests about what the school told OCC Lying Cop #2 about me back in 2017. Under oath, as he lied to court, he brought up FOIA and the school frequently.

And they have asked me to shut up.

OCC Lying Cop #2 under oath gave me new more timely reasons to sue the school May 8, 2017, but my three year window to file claims about that date runs out May 8, 2020, unless my August 25, 2017, extends that date a few months.

~ * ~

Wow. I just found in a file the following letter from OCC Lying Cop #2 making his FOIA request.

I wonder if he was charged for his FOIA requests.

Did the school hire a lawyer to respond to him, too?

Under oath, OCC Lying Cop #2 brought up the hack shrinks I was sent to in 2012. If the school released those medical reports, they may have broken HIPPA laws, among transgressions.

Correction, for the millionth time, I was not dismissed.

I was forced to quit due to nonpayment, lack of due process, and criminal mental abuse.

I think OCC Lying Cop #2 was a dumb dupe willing to be used and mislead by the school.

He sent his FOIA request from one of the school campuses.

~ * ~

Oakland Community College sent me a cease and desist letter, too, when they denied a public hearing regarding OCC Lying Cop #1 and OCC Lying Cop #2, which precipitated that ability to make a timely civil rights complaint with a long line of violations back it going back to 2012.

In response to the request that I cease and desist telling my story, I declined to shut up.

~ * ~

I was getting three more Michigan Civil Rights Commission complaints notarized on Black Friday when I discovered the state drained my bank account.

Mecosta County Sheriffs and Osceola County Sheriffs for blocking the filing of a police report documenting perjury committed by OCC Lying Cop #2 and his wife.

And a final complaint about Inside the Thumb Mid Michigan Community College refusing to respond to my request for a public hearing about school cop Michael Jarabek.

~ * ~

My ability to bear the burden of proof for my complaints will be very difficult if and when I am homeless without an office and internet connection.

I hope I haven’t fought all this time so very hard for nothing.

~ * ~

I have spent a great deal of time lately filing holes in my FOIA files.

I still have more critical documents supporting my claims to scan and load into this narration.

I still have more editing and shaping to do.

~ * ~

I spent a great deal of time this fall contacting relevant police agencies by phone and through the mail to try a complete the filing of a police report about OCC Lying Cop #2 and his wife committing perjury under oath to Judge Booher.

Michigan State Police have given me the biggest run around.

I just mailed the following most updated letter and documentation to a contact at the Michigan State Police post nearby.

Most of the supporting documents have already been loaded in previous sections.

This Macomb Daily news article about OCC Lying Cop #2 provides support for my theory that OCC Lying Cop #2 perjured himself because of his wounded pride.

His dog, perhaps Dude pictured below, ran off his property and chased my dog Hunter onto my property and bit him viciously around the neck.

~ * ~

Stupidly, I did not call the police when dog of OCC Lying Cop #2 bit Hunter.

OCC Lying Cop #2 was not present, but his lying wife was.

At the time, I made a note that the neighbors, which I thought were new, were to be avoided, soley based on the wife and the dog.

Wife of OCC Lying Cop #2 had to hop an an ATV and drive to my property in order to get her dog off of Hunter’s neck.

~ * ~

With all this paperwork and story to cover, for sure, I have aged tremendously. 

Stress causes me to clench my jaw so badly I cracked a molar from the root, inside my skull, on the left. 

Took me something like almost two years to end the tooth ache and find the right solution.

~ * ~

On my right, earache is developing, same cause, I sense. 

Bogus mental health care is causing me to detonate from within.

I’m 55, no now 56, but I feel 75, with arthritis, injury, conditions, all systems severely worn and torn. 

~ * ~

My own image scares me. 

The bloom has faded, dropped and rotted. 

This is not an easy transition, from middle age to old age early, especially this way. 

~ * ~

One of the first things I bought with money from the sale of the lakehouse, besides an 18-year-old vehicle, made before 9-11, were new shoes. 

Improving my mobility is a primary concern. 

I do not enjoy admitting it, but I now wobble and hobble.

~ * ~

Since first writing that sentence in a very early and very short telling of my story, my mobility has not improved and some days it has worsened.

I’m terrified by literally not being able to move, not being able to get a job, having no income, no support, and nowhere to go.

~ * ~

Things need to improve. 

Soon. 

I need a miracle.

If I can’t get a job and can’t keep an apartment, will the state simply let me live under an over path or in woods? 

I fear another final third lock up. 

I fear they’ll throw away the key. 

I fear they’ll point to the wrong paper trail, that of my attackers, instead of my own.

~ * ~ 

I understand the fairy tale witch. 

I am keenly aware that the people least believed are those deemed crazy. 

Especially fairy tale witches of a certain age with grey hair and missing teeth, and a limp, and old clothes, like me. 

The madwoman in the attic is a story that has taken hold and been retold too many times without asking the woman. 

Which is a shame, because I use to be so charming within my small circles.

~ * ~

No one knows my full story except for me.

I worry people I used to know have written me off as crazy.

Most people that used to know me have only heard snippets about what I’ve been through since 2012.

I sent this distress e-mail to an old friend in California from inside St. Mary Merciless human trafficking mental ward, when a staff member finally let me contact the outside world, two and half days into my stay.

She did not understand my cryptic message but also did not follow up with me.

I think people fear that Jesus rape is catchy.

And so I am alone.

~ *

I like to hope that there is an effort behind the scenes among maybe press and newly elected state officials to help me finally win justice against my attackers, essentially, Land of Motown Community College and St. Mary Merciless.  

Hope is delusional for victims of criminal mental abuse, and ironic.

Ironically painful. 

~ * ~

I know perfectly well what day and time it is, thank you. 

Your methods and conclusions are flawed. 

~ * ~

Why don’t they understand they are breaking me, stop and help?

Because we don’t live in that kind of world.

Which is a line of Louise’s to Thelma from Callie Khouri’s tremendously great screenplay for Thelma & Louise.

~ * ~

If I had known the Felician Nuns were running a mental ward, I never would have moved back to Michigan. 

That’s a wry joke. 

I feel like I need to explain myself at every turn and demonstrate how sane and connected to real world I am, with a cogent wide perspective. 

~ * ~

The trick to life that I have learned it is to just keep going, like Thelma & Louise, but not drive off the cliff.

~ * ~

I should have gone to school to be a painter. 

Instead, I have been unfortunate enough to color with the Catholics twice in my life. 

The first time as a child. 

There was no art teacher at my Catholic grade school run by the nuns who also built the looney bin and Ladywood High School. 

The Felician nuns walked us uniformed students in ordered rows down to the basement multi-purpose room. 

In the multi-purpose room, I recall learning how to draw a cube off black and white tv. 

Finally, information I wanted. 

~ * ~

The second time I colored with the Catholics, at St. Mary Merciless human trafficking mental ward, because of the Land of Motown Community Colleges sexist Gaslight witchhunt, was much like the first.

I was held captive under the numbing glow of a television set, hanging on the wall.

I recall evening hours minus supervision, held needlessly, waiting to be released.

No one was running the show.

Ever, really. 

That’s what they call it a looney bin.